Friendship

Friendship

 A tricky concept for some: what makes a friend? Some people base that on how many Facebook friends they have or on the number of YouTube followers. Other people count their friends as family and family as friends. Then there are acquaintances. Do they count in the friend count? When do acquaintances become friends? For me, a good way to tell is who do you call when things go belly up?

So, being an introvert, it is very hard for just anyone to get a season pass into my inner circle. There is a very tough bouncer at the door and not a lot of people can get in. but once you’re in, I’d fight tooth and nail for you. But I’ve also met a few people who were just never going to make the cut.

T&T.

I was long time acquaintances with these two in High School. They were okay people. Not really my thing but they were people to talk to and hang out in school. When I finally got my driver’s license, they stepped into my life at center stage.

At first it wasn’t so bad, I would drop them off at the mall after school or drive one of the T’s home. It wasn’t that big of a deal. I was headed that way to begin with.

But then I started getting calls late at night about some kind of drama. Id drive out, and being a kind of counselor for my friends, I’d try to sort all the gunk out. And they would respond and things would look like they were on the up and up. But then it would happen again, and again, and again, always ending with me driving them somewhere.

They would call all hours of the day about this and that, talking like they were my friends and they needed help. We’d start off getting something to eat and them feigning interest about what was going on in my life while looking down at their cell phones.

“Oh, how are you doing?”

“Good. You?”

“Yeah, good.”

Then a few moments later.

“Oh, how are you doing?”

“Absolutely terrible. You?”

“Yeah, good.”

All the driving and drama got so bad that I was afraid to answer my phone. But because I had some connection to them, I felt obligated to be friends with them. They would come over unannounced and expect me to drive them places that were all the way across town. They would call me in the middle of the night with an emergency only to have me chaperone everyone home. And it drove me crazy. I hated most of the time I spent with them. Of course there were good days and bad ones but the majority were bad.

That is not friendship.

Friends don’t come over to your house and expect you to do things. They are there because they want to be. When you do drive them around town it doesn’t feel like a chore because you are getting something out of it too. You are engaging beyond the initial ‘how are you doing’s to deeper connections. You are able to laugh till your sides hurt and not care if soda sprays out your nose. You feel free to cry on their shoulder or cry with them when they are going through a hard time.

Or you can sit in silence because that feels okay too.

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Friendship is Awesome!

I didn’t feel that way with T&T so I broke it off. They were using me and had no real intentions to be my friends. I see that now. Fortunately, I can count my best friends: the M&MS and Bubbles.

So who are your friends in life? Who can you count on the most? Are you in a ‘friendship’ that requires more energy and effort out of you than them? Friendships are important and wonderful and therapeutic! I love my friends! But being friends also means being on even footing walking side by side, not dragging them behind you.

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5 Responses to Friendship

  1. Bubuyog says:

    A true confession! How tough to be at the giving end of a ” friendship” ! In an ideal world it is a “give and take” but we know we have s lot of dysfunctions.
    Enjoyed your descriptive writing, as usual!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Carleen Pedersen says:

    It’s tough to go through experiences like that. It sounds like you were a really good friend to T&T, but that they definitely did not deserve your friendship! Good for you for having enough self-respect to cut off ties with them.

    Thanks for your insightful questions!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sarah Abigail says:

    Thanks for sharing your experience! Patterns of being used are no good for the giver or for the recipient. From the outside it can be obvious, but when you are in the situation, not always easy to know what to do!

    Yet, not all worthwhile friendships will be equal in giving and receiving. Friendship and love need not be limited commodities to be traded in measure, if you are connected to one Friend whose boundless love can fill to overflowing.

    Liked by 1 person

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