The Warped Mirror

The Warped Mirror

 

Here’s the thing. I really hate the way I look. Ok, maybe hate is a strong word but I strongly dislike my physical appearance. I’m a little on the heavy side, got a bit of a gut. I have what you call ‘thunder thighs’ and a few stretchmarks. I’ve got a little bit of a double chin, nappy hair and I haven’t looked at the number on a scale in about five years. So yeah, not a big fan of myself.

The ideal ‘me’ is fit and thin with manageable hair with a confident attitude who is also the life of the party. I used to be like this and the worst part is I can point to the exact moment when it all fell apart.

My first year in high school.

High school receives a rap for traumatizing the youth of today and I guess I’m one of those poor kids.

I had such high expectations for myself entering high school. It was the first step to the rest of my life. As the first born in my family I had unspoken responsibilities. I drove myself to get ‘A’s in all my classes, graduate, go to college, get a career, earn a lot of money in order to take care of the rest of my family. Yeah. All that was in the mind of a freshman student.

Stress overload.

I got migraines on a regular basis. I got panic attacks and insomnia and was overall stressed out. That was when my weight gradually ballooned. I didn’t even realize it was happening. There was no time to pay attention to myself. I had my whole life to plan out. And by the time I looked up, I hated the way I looked.

Now keep in mind, my mother never once said that she expected me to be a doctor or a lawyer. All this stress was self-inflicted.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who doesn’t like the way they look. I’m also sure I’m not the only one who has dieted and exercised and even starved themselves in order to get any results. To get any closer to an image that they can be proud of.

I feel you.

It sucks. I wish I could tell you that it gets better but I’m in the middle of it with you. We just need to take it one day at a time. Some days I find myself liking my eyes, or my hair, or the outfit I’m wearing. We just have to take those moments in stride. Hopefully, one day we can walk down the street with our heads held high and proud of who we are, no matter what shape we are.

Ken

Daniel Farr

I don’t know if I can completely change the way I feel. There are good days and not so good days. But I hope that I, along with all of you, will slowly learn to love ourselves one day at a time. Try looking in the mirror and finding one thing you like. Together we can held each other though the not do good days.

This entry was posted in Journal and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to The Warped Mirror

  1. Bubuyog says:

    Appreciate your honesty and willingness to change bit by bit in the direction of loving yourself! You are unconditionally loved — it just takes time to grasp it as to help you love yourself more and more! May we both learn what it means to love ourselves well that is, to accept ourselves for who we are and believe we are still being transformed!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sarah Abigail says:

    Dear Aplabw, your title about the warped mirror is so true, and an unfortunate trap of our culture. Why not take some time to reflect on yourself in the mirror of Truth? (James 1:23-24, Genesis 1:27, Psalm 139:13-16, I John 3:2, I Cor. 15:49, 2 Cor. 5:1-5, I Samuel 16:7, Proverbs 31:30). You could even tape up your favorite discoveries right on your actual mirror.

    In college I had a gym teacher who recommended us to think of our bodies functionally. Instead of scrutinizing the size and shape of each body part, be thankful for legs to carry us around, stomachs to digest food, etc.!

    I like your idea of identifying things in our own appearance that we like. One thing I like about your appearance is your beautiful smile.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Carleen says:

    Aplabw, I love how you used a struggle you have to be an encouragement to your reader! Instead of wallowing in self-pity, you reached out by identifying with your readers’ struggles in this area. And you added such an incredibly sweet touch at the end by finishing your piece with an offer to help someone else through their hard days. How wonderful it would be if we all could take the focus off ourselves and come alongside someone else in the midst of our pain, as you so beautifully demonstrated.

    What we look like matters so very little in comparison to how we care for other people – something I’ve noticed that you do well. I bet that’s why God put so much emphasis in the Bible on loving others; another theme – as you probably noticed in the verses Sarah listed: what’s on the inside matters so much more than what’s on the outside.

    Btw, you have such a charming personality and an infectious laugh!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aplabw says:

      Thank you so much! I hope that you gain encouragement from my writings! Feel free to share them with people who are struggling through the same things.

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s